Pode reparar na sua caixa de e-mail. É só o cotovelo começar a doer para ela ficar entupida de mensagens auto-ajuda. Todo amigo que lê algo ligado a relacionamentos lembra de você. Relacionamentos fracassados, claro. E geralmente eles, os textos, formam 3 grupos diferentes.

1) Mulher Maravilha
“Incrível, linda, absoluta, inteligente, divertida.” Os textos falam o quanto você é maravilhosa, que ele não te merece, que nem a bocuda da Jolie chega ao seu joanete. Esses e-mails exaltam (e inventam) tão incrivelmente as suas qualidades, que até a sua mãe desconfia. O problema é que o pé na bunda ainda é recente e fica difícil de acreditar nesse monte de confetes com os olhos inchados de chorar e escondidos em olheiras profundas. Pior, ainda vem o pensamento: “se eu fosse tão perfeita assim, ele ainda estaria comiiiiigo”. E mais um lencinho, por favor. Se quiser mandar um e-mail assim para sua amiga descartada, deixe passar um tempinho até ela sentir-se pronta a encontrar um ou outro predicado confiável da lista. Aí, sim, pode fazer efeito e servir de incentivo para que ela voltar a ser o que é de verdade: incrível, linda, absoluta, inteligente, divertida e alegre, acima de tudo.

2) Cachorro, safado, sem-vergonha
“Galinha, coração de pedra, moleque, todos iguais.” Mesmo com uma ponta de graça, os textos são tão carregados de rancor que devem ter sido escritos por alguma noiva deixada no altar. Essas mensagens também primam pelo exagero e se você encontrar mais de 5 exemplos que caracterizem o ex, a culpa não é dele. É sua, que desperdiçou tempo ao lado de tamanha aberração. Ou então, ele coou café na sua calcinha, arregala esse olho. E outra dica: guarde esses e-mails para mais tarde. Eles serão mais divertidos e terão maior utilidade quando sua amiga já estiver a meio caminho de voltar à ativa. É aquele período onde ela está mais propensa a procurar os defeitos, mesmo que não existam, para se sentir melhor. Caso contrário, ela pode pensar: “ele não era assim. Ele era especial. Ele só estava confuuuuuso”. Pronto. Um copo de água, rápido. Ela pode desidratar de tanto chorar novamente.

3) O X da questão
“Não esteja sempre disponível; Não force a solução do problema, criando assim, novos problemas; Se você sente que ele está te enrolando, provavelmente está mesmo; Estar numa relação é igual a andar de bicicleta. Se parar de pedalar, ela despenca.” Esses conselhos disfarçados de mensagens são mais velhos do que o vento sul. Acredito que Eva tenha sido a precursora. E Eva, vamos combinar, mandava no pedaço. Tudo bem que Adão era meio tanga frouxa, mas Eva devia saber das coisas. Mesmo tendo cara de psicologia barata, essas mensagens servem como puxão de orelha, já que muitas vezes as recomendações dos amigos entram por um ouvido e saem pelo outro. Quantas vezes foram ditas “você está viciada em relações complicadas”. Esse tipo de texto pode ser enviado logo após o pé na bunda, como um tratamento de choque. E antes de mandar, você ainda pode grifar itens como “Não seja a única a fazer tudo, compromisso é uma via de mão dupla. Pare de tentar se modificar para uma relação que não tem que acontecer. Se um homem quer você, nada pode mantê-lo longe.” E completar em letras garrafais: EU TE AVISEI, EU TE AVISEI!

23 comentários:

Renatinha disse...

rrsrsrsr difícil é lidar com a bunda dolorida e com as mensagens....rs
beijo
Re

Marcos Rittner - Author disse...

Analise perfeita - todos os emails se encaixam nessas categorias mesmo. Nao que eu tenha levado pé-na-bunda e contado para todo mundo. Porque será que o ser humano é tão prestativo em dar conselhos? E essa quantidade de informação tem alguma serventia?

Ana Maria disse...

Ufa Anna, achei que só acontecesse comigo esse tipo que coisa agradavél qndo a gente menos precisa.

hahahaha
beeeijo

Terry Tadokoro disse...

Amei seu blog....tou começando o emu agora tb.
Comecei lendo o da Ana Lu....e depois descobri o seu.
Meus textos não são tão bons como os de vcs ainda....mas já dá pra desabafar...
Bjosss

Paula disse...

Olha, eu acho que só deveria existir um tipo de censura na internet: mensagens com arquivo ppt e lições de auto ajuda. Principalmente aquelas com música triste ao fundo. Putz, não aguento mais. Essas sobre relacionamento então... Só tem uma coisa que vale a pena você assistir: Sex in the city. E ponto final!

beijos

Helena Cortez disse...

Eu acho que você está melhorando, voltou a escrever por aqui. Ainda bem!

Beijos!

Anônimo disse...

entra ano e sai ano... o tempo passa... pessoas nascem, crescem, namoram, terminam, choram, namoram de novo... e o mundo continua (e vai continuar) o mesmo... rsrs assim como os e-mails... .pps, correntes e afins, mensagens de auto-ajuda, etc.
amei o texo, amiga anna!!!
beijos!!!
frrravinha

Dedinhos Nervosos disse...

Na verdade, em meio a tantas mensagens, recebi uma muito legal. Foi a única que encaminhei. Para as que tb levaram pé na bunda e tb às que não levaram rsrs
Beijos!

Gabi disse...

hahahahahaha
só li agora este desabafo....pq eu sei bem o q é isso!!!! e reconheci cada email descrito....não q naõ tenham sido enviados com boa intenção mas boms enso é fundamental!!!!!!
amei a descrição!!! como sempre mto perspicaz, e faço coro a helena, vc voltou!!!!!!!!!! uhuuuu
bjs

Srta. Rosa disse...

Fantástico. Rs.

Beijoca,

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